Just a quick blog then I'm off to bed. Today marks three weeks since I was told we lost our baby. I am doing ok. I had a playdate today. I went to dinner with friends and our kids. It was nice. And I didn't feel as sad (for myself) seeing babies, pregnant ladies, or multiple children families. Does this mean I'm going into acceptance already?
I still get sad. I had a really big cry on the way home from exercising on Saturday. The gym is my place to think about Bub. When I start feeling the burn from the running, I start thinking about the burn in my heart. The physical part of me healed so quickly after the DandC and that bothered me. Now I have a physical pain makes my heart feel better.
I don't feel depressed (thank you prozac). But I still feel pissed watching parents treat their kids shitty (and I mean shitty); I get angry that they are allowed to be parents when there are people out there who would be good parents who don't get to have kids.
I don't cry every time I talk about the miscarriage.
We'll just have to keep on moving one foot in front of the other.
Now I just won't sleep because of the article I just read about the 5 person family who got shot by an intruder and the article that said a man shot two intruders as self-defense. All in the local Illinois area. There are such things as monsters, they just look human. (I won't be telling J about these people yet).
New day. Week 2, run 2 tomorrow. Feel the burn.
Oh and I'm getting a root canal on my birthday. Totally by choice. People don't need to say poor thing. Seriously, this is nothing compared to the beginning of the month. And most likely it was be easy; it's not like the pain i went through last summer with this tooth. Just do me one favor, please don't send me a birthday card that says "I'm sorry you lost your baby." While I appreciate the though, it really sucks to be told happy birthday and my condolences in the same card.
ok, now I'm done.
