On the way up

I think I was having a very down time early this week because it had been almost a week since I got to see my little guy in person. This week, I have seen him plenty more and I feel much better. :)

My new humidifier

A few days ago, I was talking one of my nurses. She offered to order a humidifier for my room because of the dryness in the room. I said, "sure, great" my nose was bleeding a little anyway. Well, yesterday, I got my humidifier along with a box for the humidifier so I could put it in the box to take it home. It was mine to keep.

Yeah, I thought, just like the air mattress they brought in, it was a rental of the hospital. No, it's not. And now, I have so graciously bought a $5000 dollar humidifier.... ok, I exaggerate, but you and I know damn well that I could have bought a cheaper one at walmart.

I told Nick about the situation and he had a good time today, telling me that Provena had sent up a bill for $1000 for the humidifier. I, being in my semi-gullible state, said, "it better not be a $1000." He giggled.

But when we do get the bill from Provena on the humidifier, I will be happy to share how much we were charge for it.

30 weeks

In less than two hours, I will be 30 weeks preggo. I found photos from when i was 30 weeks with Jack; I have attached it and Ellie's pregnancy photos for comparison.

Still can't shake the feeling

Today was a better day. My eyes were not puffy, so that's always a good start. But by late in the afternoon and evening, I was missing the boys. They went home from work and Miss Kelly's house, we chatted during dinner and then spoke on Skype while they played WOW. But then it was time for bed, and my heart hurt again.

Ellie has been a moving maniac all day. Not painful moving, but pleasant "hey mom, I'm here" movement; she has been reminding me that I'm not alone in here.

I saw this dress (on the right) that I would totally dress her in. Stylish, but not pink or frilly.

Now that the adavan is kicking in (or it's just the fact that tomorrow is my last day in the 20s weeks, I will let you in on a happy secret. They have the best ice here. It compares with Sonic. (Oh Sonic, how I miss you, like an addict misses her crack.)

And tonight, I ended up with a very empathetic woman taking my dinner order. They are starting to know I am a long haul kind of a patient. Anyway, not only did she hook me up with the good cafeteria ice cream, but also the chocolate fudge, and oreos. I had a leftover banana and made myself a sundae for dinner. I wish I could say that the food make my heart feel better, but it did make me not want to throw up, unlike so many other choices on the menu. She also sent up a container of salted peanuts for me. So thanks, (well call her) my supplier, for making my day a little better.

The Facts of Life

This is the taking the bad part of the facts of life. Don't ask me why, but I have found myself depressed and crying most of my day away. There is nothing different about today. But I have just felt very sad. Every time I have seen my boys today, I cried. Hugging them, talking to them was just not enough. THe time feels too short for my visits with them and I am left with the vivid memory of my little boy crawling up to me and hugging me and Ellie belly.

After saying goodbye to them at around 6pm tonight, I cried for 30 minutes; then I was going to write this blog about FUCK people for not appreciating things in life (although I would disclaim that I too take things for granted). I felt so pissed watching people take things for granted. Big stuff, by all means is aloud to suck. But when you have a broken nail or your day didn't go exactly how you want it. You didn't get all your chores finished. You didn't get that pedicure you wanted, you missed a movie, you got the wrong meal for dinner. I was just ready to say, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

And after calming down, I reminded myself that we all have sucky days. As my good friend once told me, just because someone else had a worse day, doesn't makes your day any less sucky. Of course this is the same friend who allows me to have a maximum of 24 hours to be allowed to feel sucky.

But as your read this I hope that you find yourself slowing down a little (not to my snail pace). And I hope you take that extra time to snuggle your family - do it for this goofball who doesn't get to say goodnight in person to her husband or son. Enjoy that run or walk because some people don't get to leave their homes, nursing homes, hospital rooms. Enjoy the fresh air, the sunset, the fabulous dinner. Just try to enjoy it all more. I know this bedrest enlightenment won't last forever, but I will try not to take things for granted when I'm outta here. Because sometimes when things get back to normal, we forget what we have learned. And that is just being human.

Just not feeling it today

Skipped breakfast, ate the bare minimum for lunch so I wouldn't get sick, and cried while watching Jack and Nick on the video camera. This must be one of the low days the nurses were talking about.

The flip side

So I have been one very lucky patient this weekend and have been given some of the funniest, calmest nurses. Here's the deal, #1 and #2 aren't bad nurses. They are thorough. #2 goes by the book, which is what you want in an emergency. #1 has a heart in there somewhere (I saw that side last week). But a good portion of the nurses are lovely (and funny as hell) people who are helping me get through bedrest both phsyically and psychologically.

Since I'm the only antenatal patient on the ward, I have plenty of time to get to know them; then I can start praying to the gods of labor for specific ones to work when it's time to deliver.

Oh and today, I sewed and stuffed my first lilly pad (I got the stuffing supplies from Kelly).

Don't give me any ideas

So this isn't thr first time this has happened to me, but tonight they are showing Father of the Bride Part II. You know, the one where the mother and daughter get pregnant and go into labor at the same time... sorry, did I ruin it for you. ;)

Anyway, I see the labor part start, and all of a sudden my body gets an idea. No shit. I start wanting to push with them. Well, they haven't gotten to that pushing part, but even the contraction part makes me think about the pushing part. So, I will not be finishing that movie, or any other movie that involves pushing babies out.

Now if I get to 40 weeks, then, I will.

Hope you all are having a lovely Sunday. I got to see the boys on the computer. They worked on Ellie's room, they played in the basement. We all watched Star Wars during pizza and a movie night. But since Jack has been sick, I haven't seen him in person since Tuesday. I miss presence.