Today

Feeling a little sad today. There were a lot of baby pictures up on facebook - ultrasounds, newborns. It just made me sad; our baby that I was looking forward to meeting is not going to be met. I know this will get easier. I am thrilled for my close friends who are expecting or new parents. I don't want them to be afraid to share with me; I would never want them to experience this sadness for themselves. I want joy for them.

I am managing things better and not feeling sad every minute. I also can't be sad for our little man. His teacher spoke to me yesterday. Yesterday at school he got a boo boo and cried for a long while. Then he asked his teacher if she had a baby in her belly and she said no. She thinks he might still be processing the situation. J seems to talk about Bub almost every day. And my reaction to his comments needs to be one that allows him to feel comfortable to talk to me.

BTW, the visit with the folks went well. My mom worked her ass off to not ask a lot of questions and force any conversations. Props to her. They "spoiled" us a bit. Both sets of parents "spoiled" us. And when I say spoiled, I mean they bought us chocolate covered almonds and provided meals for us. I am confident that I would try to spoil my kid if he went through something similar. I mean, hey, I bought my kid toys right after we lost Bub, so I guess I know exactly how they feel.

Sorry I am bringing all you readers down. This is a place for me to process. Please don't feel the need to say "the right thing". Like I said, this is a place to process.