The next challenge

The next challenge that will be coming to me is Tuesday. The parents. I know they are grieving for me and for themselves, but I am not really wanting to share with them right now. I am struggling because my mom is trying so hard to extract information from me. She has techniques that are only used by the best interrogators. No. The truth is, she is my mom, and it is hard to break out of the cycle of being her "little girl", even if it not what I want. I'm nervous about seeing them. The sadness and pity they will have for me. The wanting to hug me even if I don't feel like it.

I invited my mother-in-law to watch Jack when I had my D&C. She has experienced this before as well. I called my folks for their blessing because I knew they would be disappointed, no matter how much they tried to be supportive. And as their daughter, I still hate their disappointment. And their grieving, too. As a parent, I know that feeling of wanting to comfort your child. But as an adult, I know what I want to do to make it through this.

I've already starting this about other issues of acclimating to normal life. Having sex after a miscarriage, his due date, holidays. Right now, many things are making me think of Bub. Going for a walk, looking at crab grass because I wasn't able to use chemicals on it, drinking caffeine, eating hot dogs,. Shit this sucks.