I get by with a little help from my friends

Love that song.

First, this is not a sob story. It's more of a realization I have come to in my thirties. Anyway...

When I was younger, I had few close friends. I had a couple "best friends" in high school. My college roommate was and is one of my closest friends; I wished she and I lived closer to each other. (Here we are 2.5 years ago)


I've had some close friends since college. But, I don't know if I really understood what being a friend meant. To me, it simply meant going out with the people you like the most. And spending time with people who you could be honest and comfortable sharing stuff.

I've broken up with friends. Two. They were messy breakups. I know that while I could point the finger their way, I could also point the finger back to me, too.

That being said, here I am in my thirties relearning friendship. I have less than a handful that I would really call my closest friends. I think I learned what friendship meant by what others have done for me - asking nothing in return. And at this point, I realize I need to do the same. I feel like having kiddos has made it harder to find the time and energy. But for those people who are important to me, I want to.

I feel like this isn't coming out right. Here it is. I have really bombed at the giving part of friendships. But I don't want to anymore. I want meaningful ones. They need to know that I care, that they are special to me, and I that appreciate their friendship.

Any questions?