a few things

cleaning/organizing is almost as much of a high as a good diet coke/chocolate buzz. next week is the beginning of the annual dump n' run at the local university and i couldn't be more excited. mom would be having a heart attack - makes me feel so proud. ;)

curious j and i bought playdough today and we are now using our construction and farm vehicles to flatten, grind and scoop them. love it!

until today, we have had a lovely time outside. i started making a border around my beds in the backyard. talk about a caffeine buzz. nothing like a sense of accomplishment to make you feel good. maybe that's why i like cleaning. i know some people think i'm obsessive, including myself, but it gives me a goal. and as a stay at home parent, you don't get a lot of completions.

i have been back to exercising thanks to quigs for watching j twice a week for me. this week, i started using the rowing machine and boy to i feel the workout. while i haven't lost any weight, my body is becoming more muscle and i notice the fat around my hips and waist is less. for once in my life, i am satisfied with that result as opposed to weight loss and can't wait to go back to the gym again. yeah.

i still eat crap, but my dessert and portion sizes have gone down. i'm not ready to give up the crap foods i like to eat, but i can control the amount and the frequency. i don't want to force myself to start something i'm not committed to. progress not perfection. (thanks, stuart smalley)

sadly with not eating as much of the stuff i love to eat, i have bumped up the amount of diet coke i drink. this probably contributes to the nausea i have been getting lately since i have probably rotted out my stomach. but unless i get pregnant, i can not ready to give that up either.

speaking of pregnant, we are still in trying mode. last month was a low point for me - too many pregnancy tests and too much of a let down. i realize i sound - obsessive (oh wait, that's who i am), but i have wanted this badly. my friends know not to ask me if i'm knocked up yet (seriously, that is), but acquaintances are asking about a #2 and it makes me feel sad.

however, then i get in panic mode wondering if i would be a good parent to two kids, if i will survive the lack of sleep, how that will effect our relationship with j. i love him and the time we spend as a family is wonderful (you know, most of the time). would the quality of love i give him go down with having a second child? and would that second child get the quality of love he or she deserves?

gods that was a depressing Grey's Anatomy last night. i cried. but it involves death, so you know i'm a sucker right there.

ok. that's it for now. if you don't here from me electronically, it's because i am having computer problems. my power port isn't working very well and i only have about 15 minutes on my battery (fully charged).

peace out, word to your mother.