...Nature
I have been eating like a pig all day. And it hasw a lot to do with my hormones. You know... that time. I'm gonna regret it in the morning, but tonight, it feels so right. It's like a hookup that you regret in the morning - except I have never done the hookup thing before, so I really can't speak on that.
Blue Eyes now has two teeth. I spent Wednesday night sitting in a chair holding her all night because she kept on waking up every few minutes, and that was with tylenol. I have been giving it to her pretty consistently but those suckers are still giving her pain. Poor girl. She is going to look absolutely adorable with two little teeth in the front.
BDR and Curious J went outside yesterday in the ice and snow. They last about 5 minutes and then it got too cold outside for J. Curious J has been challenging BDR and I about staying up until 10pm, even when we start bedtime at 8pm. He likes visiting us in our room and tells us he will go to sleep after we go to sleep.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Return of Happy Girl
This is what a happy girl with a working digestive system looks like. Any questions?
Losing power for about an hour made us go into emergency mode. I married a man who is excellent at staying calm and thinking logically when a problem arises. We prepared for a dark and cold night. Non-essential doors closed. Flashlights and candles ready. A list of meals and a plan on what to do with cold foods (especially Blue Eye's formula). There should be one type of person like him in every family. We realized that BE is really the hardest person to improvise for an emergency. But that will change as she grows older.
We take for granted what we have until we lose it. Tonight I'm thinking of those who are homeless, hungry, without power, without a plan, and those who are out there helping us stay safe.
And for now, the boy is very happy to have the husband home for an extra couple days.
Monday, January 31, 2011
No Business Like Snow Business
Today we ventured to Springfield before the BIG BLIZZARD of 2011. ;) Or at least if you talk to my family, that is how they see it.
Today was Blue Eye's appointment with the pediatric gastroenterologist. Neither BDR nor I slept well last night. Even with the advice of a friend, I could not fall asleep. Hope about the potential changes in BE's mood and health, as well as the reminders from family about the weather, plus BE waking up at 4am for her morning feeding aloud for the perfect storm of insomnia.
Yet, we were wide awake for the car ride. We got there in perfect time - with 20 minutes to spare. No precipitation had started in either Springfield or Savoy. We didn't wait long in the waiting room, which was awesomely decorated for kids. The whole building was clearly a pediatric building. The doctor, Dr. A, was an exceptionally nice doctor. She was lively and friendly. She talked to J instead of just being all business. And BE let her hold her and even smiled at her. If you know my kid, you know that doesn't happen with everyone. She was also a full service doctor and buttoned up BE's clothes after giving her an exam. Dr. A clearly knew her area of expertise, even if she wasn't familiar with the similac brand stuff. They seem to be an enfamil institution. ;)
Here's what we learned:
-BE is in the 82% in weight, 75% in height for her current age. Holy cow.
- Sitting up in a carseat does not actually help a reflux baby because the legs are scrunched and push up on the abdomen. Even though it makes you feel better if your baby is spitting up in their sleep, it is still not the best thing to do. Huh. Propping up the mattress is. Maybe that's why BE hates to travel in the carseat for long periods of time.
- Tummy time and strengthing the abdomen is going to help her reflux get better.
- BE likes doing tummy time on the paper on the table at the doctor's office. Seriously hysterical. We could have gone 10 minutes. Maybe.
- Pear juice is the best juice to give a constipated baby.
- Because of BE's weight, she needs a higher dosage of Prevacid.
- The University Ave Walgreens is the only one that compounds Prevacid pills.
- The soy formula is the formula we are going back on. Worried about her constipation? Us, too. But never fear. Between the pear juice and the stool softener prescribed, BE should be fine. Fingers crossed.
- We need to cut back the amount of formula and increase the number of feedings. Smaller meals more times. Let's hope BE will let us get away with that.
- We have to go back in 6-8 weeks. And next time, we will go to the Pasta House.
- There is a Duncan Donuts in the building.
- J can eat two donuts in less than 30 minutes but cannot eat more than a bowl of spaghetti without getting full. Allegedly. ;)
The weather driving back was not ideal, but I had a good pilot. I sat in the back between two carseats both to and from Springfield. My hips will probably be bruised, but I was able to amuse BE and J for most of the trip.
Next Up: Occupational and Developmental Therapists are coming to our house to evaluation BE's gross motor and fine motor skills next week.
Today was Blue Eye's appointment with the pediatric gastroenterologist. Neither BDR nor I slept well last night. Even with the advice of a friend, I could not fall asleep. Hope about the potential changes in BE's mood and health, as well as the reminders from family about the weather, plus BE waking up at 4am for her morning feeding aloud for the perfect storm of insomnia.
Yet, we were wide awake for the car ride. We got there in perfect time - with 20 minutes to spare. No precipitation had started in either Springfield or Savoy. We didn't wait long in the waiting room, which was awesomely decorated for kids. The whole building was clearly a pediatric building. The doctor, Dr. A, was an exceptionally nice doctor. She was lively and friendly. She talked to J instead of just being all business. And BE let her hold her and even smiled at her. If you know my kid, you know that doesn't happen with everyone. She was also a full service doctor and buttoned up BE's clothes after giving her an exam. Dr. A clearly knew her area of expertise, even if she wasn't familiar with the similac brand stuff. They seem to be an enfamil institution. ;)
Here's what we learned:
-BE is in the 82% in weight, 75% in height for her current age. Holy cow.
- Sitting up in a carseat does not actually help a reflux baby because the legs are scrunched and push up on the abdomen. Even though it makes you feel better if your baby is spitting up in their sleep, it is still not the best thing to do. Huh. Propping up the mattress is. Maybe that's why BE hates to travel in the carseat for long periods of time.
- Tummy time and strengthing the abdomen is going to help her reflux get better.
- BE likes doing tummy time on the paper on the table at the doctor's office. Seriously hysterical. We could have gone 10 minutes. Maybe.
- Pear juice is the best juice to give a constipated baby.
- Because of BE's weight, she needs a higher dosage of Prevacid.
- The University Ave Walgreens is the only one that compounds Prevacid pills.
- The soy formula is the formula we are going back on. Worried about her constipation? Us, too. But never fear. Between the pear juice and the stool softener prescribed, BE should be fine. Fingers crossed.
- We need to cut back the amount of formula and increase the number of feedings. Smaller meals more times. Let's hope BE will let us get away with that.
- We have to go back in 6-8 weeks. And next time, we will go to the Pasta House.
- There is a Duncan Donuts in the building.
- J can eat two donuts in less than 30 minutes but cannot eat more than a bowl of spaghetti without getting full. Allegedly. ;)
The weather driving back was not ideal, but I had a good pilot. I sat in the back between two carseats both to and from Springfield. My hips will probably be bruised, but I was able to amuse BE and J for most of the trip.
Next Up: Occupational and Developmental Therapists are coming to our house to evaluation BE's gross motor and fine motor skills next week.
Friday, January 28, 2011
The adventures of MOOOOOdy girl and OCD boy
For the past 3 weeks, I have put Blue Eyes on soy milk after a mom with a daughter who had similar issues said she noticed a huge difference in her mood. Because BE seemed irritable and I could hear the reflux and smell the acid come up, I could tell that she was not comfortable. So I switch the soy from the milk based spit up stuff. Now, BE has always had minor issues with having bowel movements since we went exclusively on formula, but nothing like the past week or so. We did see a mood improvement with the soy. I believe it made her stomach feel better. We noticed a decrease in spitup and she seemed less fussy. However, this week I have had to give her a couple of suppositories; and even though she is eating regular foods and drinking juices to add hydration to her body, the BMs are not getting any better. In fact, they are worse. The past couple days she has cut back on the amount of solids she has eaten. And while I loved seeing my little girl happy and started to really enjoy our time together without worrying about her mood, I hated seeing her in pain more. And if it increases in frequency, it is not making it any better. So today, I brought back moooooooody girl (Get it, moooooo - like in cow - like in milk based formula. Nevermind.) Hopefully, it means less painful BMs. Fortunately, we are going to the pedriatric gastroentorologist on Monday morning in Springfield. While I don't know if she has reflux to the serious degree that other babies have (for example, I had one friend who's son was not gaining any weight), I know that she still has it. I am tired of guessing what works with her digestive system. So wish us luck on Monday, because I have high expectations that someone will make my child start being happy and poopy. ;)
My first born, Curious J, has been starting to pick his nails into the grain. At first we thought it was because he had annoying nails, and maybe it was. But now it has become a habit. We have tried to explain the pain he will get from picking his nails too low, but it has become an instilled habit now. Part of me wants to put tape over his nails. Besides that, I have nothing. I have nervous habits. Which then makes me realize that this kid will probably have OCD like me. Good times.
My first born, Curious J, has been starting to pick his nails into the grain. At first we thought it was because he had annoying nails, and maybe it was. But now it has become a habit. We have tried to explain the pain he will get from picking his nails too low, but it has become an instilled habit now. Part of me wants to put tape over his nails. Besides that, I have nothing. I have nervous habits. Which then makes me realize that this kid will probably have OCD like me. Good times.
And we're back
Hello again! It's been a while. I think the hormones have finally worn off from this second kiddo's birth. (Let us from here on call her Blue Eyes, because she is the only one in this little family that has them.) Anyway, back to hormones. A person can say and do some really crazy things hopped up on hormones. Of course, I don't need hormones to do that.
We're 7.5 months into Blues Eyes life. I am noticing a reemergence of patterns. Sleep deprivation. Check. Loss of personal time. Check. Loss of personal identity. Check. Monotonous tasks being completed daily (i.e. dishes, laundry, changing the diaper pail). Check. Addiction to the smell of your child. Check. :) The list could go on, but I do see things a little differently this time. I back in the tunnel from being in the light. I know it's there. So while I may panic that my house is a mess, and I have things I want to do, and I feel too tired and emotionally drained to get out of the house as either a friend or spouse even though I really need it, I know this is for a short time. Curious J reminds me almost daily how short this time is.
Have I mentioned he's starting kindergarten next year. Yeah. Fast.
Speaking of sleep deprivation, I should go to bed. While Blue Eyes is a great night time sleeper, I am still stupid and go to bed late. It doesn't help that Curious J doesn't fall asleep until 10pm - even if we do start bedtime at 8pm. But damn, it is hard to choose between sleep and adult time. Guess which one I chose tonight?
We're 7.5 months into Blues Eyes life. I am noticing a reemergence of patterns. Sleep deprivation. Check. Loss of personal time. Check. Loss of personal identity. Check. Monotonous tasks being completed daily (i.e. dishes, laundry, changing the diaper pail). Check. Addiction to the smell of your child. Check. :) The list could go on, but I do see things a little differently this time. I back in the tunnel from being in the light. I know it's there. So while I may panic that my house is a mess, and I have things I want to do, and I feel too tired and emotionally drained to get out of the house as either a friend or spouse even though I really need it, I know this is for a short time. Curious J reminds me almost daily how short this time is.
Have I mentioned he's starting kindergarten next year. Yeah. Fast.
Speaking of sleep deprivation, I should go to bed. While Blue Eyes is a great night time sleeper, I am still stupid and go to bed late. It doesn't help that Curious J doesn't fall asleep until 10pm - even if we do start bedtime at 8pm. But damn, it is hard to choose between sleep and adult time. Guess which one I chose tonight?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Huh?!
I love my life. I love my family and the way we work. I love being able to stay at home with the kids. I love where I love, and and I love my friends. That being said, I sometimes think my family and friends get the raw end of the deal. What do I offer them? It's funny, I know who I am more now then when I was younger, but I offer less of myself to others now and have less factors that really make me stand apart from others. I am absent-minded and neurotic. I like wearing my pajamas or sweatpants almost all the time.
I focus more on my little family then anyone else out there. I think I am a good wife and mom. Not perfect, but definitely not bad. I will send my kids to therapy for one reason or another (or 10 reasons), but they probably won't become serial killers because of me. I stink at teaching my children coping mechanisms. Nick can just joke the hurt away. Amazing.
My family of origin and my friends are not given the same kind of attention. I don't remember important dates or what people are doing for the week. I don't donate to their causes or buy gifts. If they are lucky, I call them once a week or so. I am, for all intensive purposes, lazy. I think that having always had to do something every minute of the day until I graduated from college made me feel exhausted afterwards. And once I was only responsible to Nick and to a job, everything else was not a priority. I liked having no other things on my schedule. I spend too much money (although not crazy amounts, just too much). I drink too much soda and like too many sweets.
I would rather have a lovely, clean and organized house instead of going on vacation. Leaving on a trip is too much effort. And when you return home, the only thing you do is make the house messy with all the laundry and toys brought on the trip. Man, I am a bummer.
But then I meet other women who make crafts, exercise, and volunteer, and work, and take their kids places. I want to be the girl who is totally on top of things again, but I don't. That girl was extremely uptight. Now I am just partially uptight. I make more jokes and laugh more. The few relationships I do have now are more quality. I will probably never make a big dent in the community, even close to a dent I made in high school or college. I won't be a size 2, 4 or even 6 ever again in life, but I have two beautiful kids that added a little bit more "hippage" to my body. I'll take the hips for my kids any day. But like I said in my first sentence, I have a good life and I love it.
So as I sit here processing, I need to look at what I want to work on. I want to work on better quality relationships. While I may only have a handful of really good friends, I want to be able to offer them what they give me. And if i let others down, I'm sorry; but I'm not at the same time. I'm going to work harder on eating lunch in more. Maybe less (gulp) fountain sodas. I'm going to try to figure out how to get more involved in the community, whether it be my kids' school or an organization that I really believe in. I may not donate to causes all over the place, but I'll give where I can.
Ok, that's it for now. I don't know if anyone remembers I'm out here - it's been that long. I like processing externally. I am not writing this to having someone flatter me with comments to make me feel better. I am sincerely trying to process who I am and where I am going with people. I don't want bullshit answers.
And I thank and love the people who love me, even with my faults. I don't get it, but I appreciate it. They have shown me what true love is.
I focus more on my little family then anyone else out there. I think I am a good wife and mom. Not perfect, but definitely not bad. I will send my kids to therapy for one reason or another (or 10 reasons), but they probably won't become serial killers because of me. I stink at teaching my children coping mechanisms. Nick can just joke the hurt away. Amazing.
My family of origin and my friends are not given the same kind of attention. I don't remember important dates or what people are doing for the week. I don't donate to their causes or buy gifts. If they are lucky, I call them once a week or so. I am, for all intensive purposes, lazy. I think that having always had to do something every minute of the day until I graduated from college made me feel exhausted afterwards. And once I was only responsible to Nick and to a job, everything else was not a priority. I liked having no other things on my schedule. I spend too much money (although not crazy amounts, just too much). I drink too much soda and like too many sweets.
I would rather have a lovely, clean and organized house instead of going on vacation. Leaving on a trip is too much effort. And when you return home, the only thing you do is make the house messy with all the laundry and toys brought on the trip. Man, I am a bummer.
But then I meet other women who make crafts, exercise, and volunteer, and work, and take their kids places. I want to be the girl who is totally on top of things again, but I don't. That girl was extremely uptight. Now I am just partially uptight. I make more jokes and laugh more. The few relationships I do have now are more quality. I will probably never make a big dent in the community, even close to a dent I made in high school or college. I won't be a size 2, 4 or even 6 ever again in life, but I have two beautiful kids that added a little bit more "hippage" to my body. I'll take the hips for my kids any day. But like I said in my first sentence, I have a good life and I love it.
So as I sit here processing, I need to look at what I want to work on. I want to work on better quality relationships. While I may only have a handful of really good friends, I want to be able to offer them what they give me. And if i let others down, I'm sorry; but I'm not at the same time. I'm going to work harder on eating lunch in more. Maybe less (gulp) fountain sodas. I'm going to try to figure out how to get more involved in the community, whether it be my kids' school or an organization that I really believe in. I may not donate to causes all over the place, but I'll give where I can.
Ok, that's it for now. I don't know if anyone remembers I'm out here - it's been that long. I like processing externally. I am not writing this to having someone flatter me with comments to make me feel better. I am sincerely trying to process who I am and where I am going with people. I don't want bullshit answers.
And I thank and love the people who love me, even with my faults. I don't get it, but I appreciate it. They have shown me what true love is.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Year anniversary
Two days from now will be the year anniversary of losing Bub. Bub was our baby in between Jack and Ellie. He passed away at 6.5 weeks in utero, but I didn't find out until week 10, September 1, 2009. Even as I sit here with my two amazing, healthy kids, I miss this baby that never was. The Urbana Sweet Corn festival last year was the last event we went to before finding out about the loss, and Jack's first day of preschool was the day we found out about the loss. So the annual Sweet Corn Festival was this weekend; Jack's first day of school was today; and Sept 1 is Wednesday. It's not just one day of remembering; it's a week. And I'm sad; and I'm tired of being sad. And I want something to mark the anniversary so I can remember and move on.
Gotta go hug the shit out of my two kids.
Gotta go hug the shit out of my two kids.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Damn, I'm lucky and other hormonally based thoughts...
I wrote this shortly after Ellie was just born. Better late than never...
As most of my avid readers out there may know, Ellie was born at exactly 36 weeks. Because of her size and jaundice, we had to stay in the hospital a 3 extra days. For a mommy on bedrest, a few more days did start taking me over the edge. Fortunately, I had a husband who kicked me out of the hospital when Ellie was still a patient but I wasn't. Anyway, here's some thoughts I have had over the past week and a half.
1. I am one lucky lady. E is here, safe and sound. She's a spitter-upper, but we can deal with it.
2. My boy, J, is a strong kid. He has his emotional moments, but no greater than a regular 4 year old. He loves his sister, without malice toward the time that I was taken from him. He has grown up so much since I have been unavailable. And I love who he's becoming.
3. I have an amazing husband. Who would have thought 17 years ago I would pick someone who is the best man I know. I am just as in love with him as I was before. It's different. It will never be like when we were 16 or 20, but it is so much better than that.
4. I am stronger than I thought and I am impressed. I made it through 15.75 weeks of bedrest. I was alone when I got my epidural (and narcotic free). I cut my own kid's ambilical cord. I realize that I can do anything I put my mind to, even if it is extremely uncomfortable.
5. Another kid made me realize how great my love for Jack is.
6. I am riding the waves of stress better this time.
As most of my avid readers out there may know, Ellie was born at exactly 36 weeks. Because of her size and jaundice, we had to stay in the hospital a 3 extra days. For a mommy on bedrest, a few more days did start taking me over the edge. Fortunately, I had a husband who kicked me out of the hospital when Ellie was still a patient but I wasn't. Anyway, here's some thoughts I have had over the past week and a half.
1. I am one lucky lady. E is here, safe and sound. She's a spitter-upper, but we can deal with it.
2. My boy, J, is a strong kid. He has his emotional moments, but no greater than a regular 4 year old. He loves his sister, without malice toward the time that I was taken from him. He has grown up so much since I have been unavailable. And I love who he's becoming.
3. I have an amazing husband. Who would have thought 17 years ago I would pick someone who is the best man I know. I am just as in love with him as I was before. It's different. It will never be like when we were 16 or 20, but it is so much better than that.
4. I am stronger than I thought and I am impressed. I made it through 15.75 weeks of bedrest. I was alone when I got my epidural (and narcotic free). I cut my own kid's ambilical cord. I realize that I can do anything I put my mind to, even if it is extremely uncomfortable.
5. Another kid made me realize how great my love for Jack is.
6. I am riding the waves of stress better this time.
Friday, June 4, 2010
35 weeks and growing
I'm huge. No, I'm not calling myself fat. I really feel big and uncomfortable. Like there's some alien growing inside of me. But it means Ellie is getting bigger and stronger and able to survive without medical assistance. I don't know how big she is, but I can tell she's getting bigger; her body makes larger movements.
My cervix got measured today. It was .9 - 1.1cm long. Not bad considering that I have been a little more active since Jack's birthday and contracting more. Last ultrasound was 1.1-1.3. My doctor is going out of town until Wednesday evening, but he said that if I go in labor next weekend, I should have the "girls" (nurses) at the hospital call him, even though he's not on call. He wants to deliver this baby.
Friday will be week 36. At that point I am a wild animal set free after being imprisioned. What do I do? Where do I start? How much energy will I really have? How much will the shape and size of my body limit me to do things?
I can get Sonic sodas. Drop my kid off at summer camp. Walk my kid to bed. Clean toilets. Get pedicures. Go to the movies. Go shopping. Maybe even weed and garden if it's not too hot. Shit I'm excited.
This week, I'm scrapbooking the last 4 years of our life. Since it's an organizational project, it eases my OCD urges. And I can work on it in bed. It will be a nice way to close up bedrest. I should not wait to scrapbook so long again.
My cervix got measured today. It was .9 - 1.1cm long. Not bad considering that I have been a little more active since Jack's birthday and contracting more. Last ultrasound was 1.1-1.3. My doctor is going out of town until Wednesday evening, but he said that if I go in labor next weekend, I should have the "girls" (nurses) at the hospital call him, even though he's not on call. He wants to deliver this baby.
Friday will be week 36. At that point I am a wild animal set free after being imprisioned. What do I do? Where do I start? How much energy will I really have? How much will the shape and size of my body limit me to do things?
I can get Sonic sodas. Drop my kid off at summer camp. Walk my kid to bed. Clean toilets. Get pedicures. Go to the movies. Go shopping. Maybe even weed and garden if it's not too hot. Shit I'm excited.
This week, I'm scrapbooking the last 4 years of our life. Since it's an organizational project, it eases my OCD urges. And I can work on it in bed. It will be a nice way to close up bedrest. I should not wait to scrapbook so long again.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Not in labor
Ok, my contractions stop. Now, I am just achy from the ligament pain.
BTW, I love the fact that little girl helps me crave fruit.
BTW, I love the fact that little girl helps me crave fruit.
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