A couple of helpful hints to all the locals out there

Two things I found out yesterday:

#1 The post office is increasing the postage from 42 cents to 44 cents on May 11. That being said if you buy the forever stamps (currently 42 cents), you do not need additional postage once the cost goes up. The post office dude who I think was flirting with me (either that or he was bored out of his mind and needed someone to talk to because it was dead in there), told me this information unprompted. :)

#2 If you ever need to copy anything and you live in my area, there is a copier at my local Schnucks.

Holy shit, it's been a while

Sorry, it's been so long. My only excuse as of the past few days is I have a cold. Before that, I have no real excuse. Some updates

I've been continuing to exercise 3 days a week (minus this past week because of vacation and illness). I started to lose a little bit of weight but then I went on that vacation and didn't exercise. As soon as I'm well (and energized), I will be going back to the routine.

While on vacation we visited the St. Louis Magic House. Curious J loved it. And while he was there, J used the potty standing up; I think it was because it was a J-size toilet and a J-size sink. He was super excited. In my quest to continue his interest, I purchased a urinal from amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Visionaire-1100-Peter-Toddler-Urinal/dp/B000C22J2S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1239730854&sr=8-1. It got good reviews and because J has ZERO interest in using the potty any other time. I also bought him some cool underpants so he can pee like a crazy mad man through all of them.We'll see how it goes.

Okay, I'm tired and my nose won't stop running. Off to bed.

Will I ever get pregnant?

So Nick and I were trying to have a baby, then I needed surgery for my spotting. They found adhesions connected to my bowels, but besides that everythign else looked good. THe spotting problem was not solved. I spotted two days ago and now I am spotting today. It has only been 21 days since my period. And it was 21 days the month before that. HOwever it was 26 days for the two months before that. And it was more random for the 5 months before that. We aren't really trying right now. I am having fun gardening and exercising this spring. But we aren't trying to prevent it from happening. I guess I wonder if my spotting and bleeding will normalize to even conceive a baby. The doctor said that I could go on birth control for a few months to regulate the cycle. Heck, maybe I should be doing that now while I have fun outside.

Now I'm just babbling. Like I said we aren't trying now, but every time I spot or bleed early it's hard not to notice that my cycle is not "normal" enough to understand when I could conceive. Anyway... just thinking about it today.

Bunny update

A couple of concerns were brought to my attention about the bunnies (thanks BDR and Quigs ;)). While I did create a new bunny house out of long, dry grass today, and placed both of the baby bunnies in there to hide. Then BDR and Quigs mentioned that the mama bunny may abandon the babies if they smell like humans (even if I did weat gloves). Got all that.

I am happy to report that mama bunny fed the bunnies tonight.

Of course, let me note that Quigs called me back and said that baby bunnies either will die trying to escape from the human's hands and break their neck OR they will the smell of the predator will kill them. Good times. I am happy to report that nothing like that happened today. And now that I have given them a home and I promise not to touch them again unless it's to keep them away from trying to eat BDR or Curious J.

I'm still here - some random thoughts.

Doing better than last night. Ahhh, parenting, the many challenges that come along with it. Totally worth it when you see your cute little person carry his two pillows and blanket while trying to walk into your room. Night time is really the only time Curious J is cuddly, so there is the urge to let him sleep with us. However, I know that isn't what works well in the long term.

Not much to say. Feeling nauseated tonight, but based on the way I scarfed down dinner, that probably explains the discomfort. I need to go to sleep; this staying up thing really doesn't work.

Curious J and I are making a garden in the backyard. We are very excited. I finished taking the grass up in the area. Next, planting.

We have a compost bin. I tried to move it to the back of the yard, but then I don't get any sunlight there (on account of our very tall fence). However, when it is on the north end of the backyard it gets sun all day. Problem is that if it smells, it will be closer to where we most likely will be. Good times!

We have bunnies in our backyard. Two baby bunnies and one mama bunny (I know that for sure on account that she has been nursing them in the back yard). I found one in my tall grass clippings and got to hold it. J asked if we could keep it. I said no, of course. I set up a home for it behind the compost bin with clippings so he could hide.

I have been using acne and wrinkle cream. It's my way of dealing with aging. While some of you may think that I don't need wrinkle cream yet, for me it symbolizes more the passage of time and the inevitable end. So, my wrinkle cream, exercising, lotioning, vitamins are used to slow me down to getting to the inevitable. Make fun. Tonight my face is burning, but I think it has more to do with the makeup remover I used. Now my eyes are watering like mad.

I love this time of year. Isn't it wonderful?

Our neighbor's son came to visit J today. He's about 8 years old (I think). He taught J how to act like a boy. J then began to climb out of his playhouse through the window head first say "I'm okay." I would stop him, but he's going to do this stuff when I'm not around so I might as well let him practice supervised. I gotta give props to the neighbor kid because not once did he mention guns or swords. I am not really ready for all that stuff, however, I think it's becoming inevitable.

J is becoming more a little boy every day. He is starting to be more aggressive in his play (well with BDR and I). He likes to play with worms and climb things. He is continuing his interest in "boy" sterotyped activities. The only thing is today, J asked for the Foofa stuffed animal when we were at the store. If anyone knows Foofa from Yo Gabba Gabba (he even knew her name without prompting), then you know she is pink. I was happily surprised when he said that was his favorite! The Easter Bunny will probably be bringing it to him. :)

Okay, I'm outta here.

I know I need to blog...

but after a moody evening, I have nothing to say that wouldn't end up as a bitch session. And it's been an evening I don't feel like talking about.

Stop, You Leaf Burners

So it's that time of year again - one of two times of year when smoke can be seen from neighborhoods. I don't have asthma or any other breathing issues, and I'm thankful for that. However, I still have problems when people who live in close proximities of others burn dead leaves or plant or grass clippings. The smoke is really annoying and does not disipate quickly. It's also bad for the environment. I understand the urge to get rid of dead lawn stuff, but I work my ass off to do the right thing by either recycling them with my garbage service, or like I did this year, start a compost. It does take work, but it's worth the effort to make the world last a little bit longer for our kids and their kids. Plus, you don't know who lives by you who does have breathing problems, and that doesn't help.

The Curious Tale of Curious J

In the past week or so, I have started noticing a change in behavior in Curious J. Today it became abundantly clear that this behavior will not be going away anytime soon. J has begun talking to - strangers.

This morning, we went to Sonic and he started talking to workers he didn't know saying, "hey, we're going to a car wash."

Later, we went to Old Navy to get summer shorts, and he started talking to other customers in the store. He would tell them what we were doing and what we were buying. He told one lady, "I have an idea about my clothes." He saw a little girl at the store and said "hi" (he is starting to say hi to little people his size) and starting mimicking what she was doing (which was playing with a belt).

Tonight he was telling one of the servers at dinner, "We're telling stories about books."

Who is this kid? And what did he do with my husband's kid? :) It does appear that he tells people factual things - what he did with his day, what he was doing at that moment. I have an idea it has to do with school and the confidence he gets from being away from his mom. I like this new J - just as long as he doesn't make strangers his new family.

Did you know Barack Obama was in Return of the Jedi?

We have been reading one of those kid books about Return of the Jedi to Curious J. Tonight, BDR decided to show parts of the movie, nothing scary. On the cover of the DVD is a picture of Lando Calrissian. When he say Lando, J said "Barack Obama".

And there you have it, our President was in Return of the Jedi.

If only he could use the force to fix our economy.

Feeling Blah

Curious J is going to start preschool and tells us he can do things by himself. Some of my favorite (or once favorite) tv shows are coming to an end. Buildings around town close. My parents are slowing down. Actors who were in your favorite movies in the 80's and 90's now have wrinkles. All reminders that time is fleeting.

Last night I watched ER, tonight I watched Battlestart Galactica. Feeling nostalgic and sad. Old characters that I have to say goodbye to. It's not even the shows themselves, but what they represent. A different time. A younger me. Hell, even George Clooney looks older now (but still fine!). I remember when ER started. I was in love with Carter. It was around the time I started college. I was young and skinny and had no idea how many opportunities were ahead of me. All I thought about was my checklist of things to be done in life.

The folks came to visit last week to help out with watching J. My dad has Parkinsons. He is slowing down. At first, I was pretty upset. Then I got use to him having it. Last week, he and mom would mention things about his legs giving him problems. His medicines are you making him more and more tired. My parents are getting older. And it's weird to think that my dad is going to be 70 in less than 2 years. When did he get so much older. I don't know how many years we will have left with them. I'm the sandwich generation now; it became more apparent after Jack was born and my grandmother died. Someday, sooner rather than later, I may have to make the decisions that my dad had to make for his mom. I will have to watch my parents become unable to take care of themselves. I will have to go through their house and revisit my life without them. And that's it. They won't come back. I won't be able to give them a hard time and see them again soon.

And before you know it, J will start grade school, then high school. Then off to college. Having his own family, if he chooses). And I will be the one to be taken care of. And one day, that will be the end of it. Gone. Poof. I won't be able to smell his hair when he sits next to me, or feel his hand grab mine. He'll be too big for that, and that's the way it should be.

I feel so insignificant. Sometimes, I feel like a little insect just moving through the day, trying to keep the species going by teaching the younger generation how to survive. Survival is not enough for me. But I also don't believe that there is something waiting for me on the other side. I feel so minute.

I tell J he is special. And to me he is! But he will find that everyone has good and bad , talents and weaknesses. And while some of us have extraordinary abilities, we are still all pretty much thte same. Which isn't bad, because it keeps us humble if we allow it to.

BDR believes in God. He tells J that God loves him. This kid is going to be confused about what to believe; we don't have a game plan on religious discussions. But I'm glad that not just one of us is raising him. I want him to a greater significance. So I am glad that his dad tells him about God. Plus, I know that BDR won't tell him close-minded in his discussions. And I'm glad he has me to help him question it all. Maybe he will question out existance and come back to what his dad taught him all along. But at least he will do it eyes wide open.

I wish I could have an answer to give me peace of mind. But instead as I look at aging and dying, I see an abyss waiting for me. I try to hold on to the preciousness of time now, but no one is perfect at that. There is no way to avoid the abyss. And that just bothers the shit out of me.